Dear Mr. Ping,
That sounds Chinese... Anyways, I was understandably horrified while reading last week's track walk to realize that you do not know your left from your right! You quite mistakenly said that it was a left
turn after the whoops leading into the finish double. Quite clearly this is a right hand turn! I demand an apology to all your readers and your immediate resignation from Racer X. In addition, I believe you should be sent back for a remedial kindergarten education since you were clearly sniffing glue when you should have been learning things like this.
Nikhil
Dear Mr. Nikhil,
That sounds Swedish… or Russian. Anyway, I guess it all stems back to early grade school when I had trouble learning how to tell time on a regular clock. My parents thought it was a big deal and they got me a bunch of toys that incorporated clocks and time-telling pieces into the games. I’ve pretty much got that nailed down now but as it turns out I can’t tell right from left. I usually just hold my thumbs and index fingers out and see which ones make a big letter “L.” Maybe the bigger issue here is that I can’t tell which way the bottom part of an L goes. A touch of dyslexia, perhaps? I’ll draft up a resignation immediately, though it will most likely come out a jumble of letters and words written backwards and in a haphazard pattern. If they can’t figure it out I’ll just call. You’ll be happy to know I’ve also enrolled in a pre-school program that focuses on teaching colors, letters and numbers. They also frown upon students sniffing or eating glue. Wish me luck.
PING
Ping,
Just came in from eight hours out on the "friendly" roads of central and northern Iraq and read Racerhead #3. Hell, you're the Contessa Brewer of MX/SX reporting! Seriously - she's a little better looking, but she gets it right about as often as you do. You were guessing on the contingency stuff, weren't you? Just messing with you.
Being able to read about the only sport that matters to me is one of few things I've been able to enjoy on this, my third deployment in 6 years. All there really is to do riding in the crew compartment of an MRAP is look outside and imagine how this country would make one bitchin', giant motocross track. Except for the IEDs, unexploded ordinance and sheep running around everywhere. Anyway, you do a great job, you're funny as hell and you sure know how to wad up on a triple, too. Best of luck with the TLD team this year and I will look forward to reading your stuff almost as much as I look forward to riding (in about 7 months) the brand-new, started-twice 2010 YZ450F I bought during my R&R.
Wade Wallace
MAJ, JA
US Army, Iraq
Dear Wade,
Contessa Brewer couldn’t be more of a tool if she had a leather-wrapped handle on one end of her and the word Makita tattooed across her chest. The contingency thing has gotten out of hand but I’ll say this: when I wrote that those manufacturers had no contingency posted on their websites Friday before Anaheim, they most certainly did not. Little did I know they were all waiting for the right time to announce their programs.
Bickering over some contingency dollars seems pretty silly compared to what you go through every day, I’m sure. I just wanted to personally say thanks for what you do. Stay safe and get back home quickly. Sounds like you have a nice toy waiting for you in the garage when you return. God bless.
PING
Hi Ping,
I'm a 31-year-old father of two that has been riding since the A-Team was the raddest show on broadcast television and I am beginning to realize that I'm just an old, increasingly chubby dad who's starting to fade out of style. (Growing up, I always wondered why my dad dressed so "uncool" and I'm now starting to understand why clothes aren't such a priority when you get a "hat trick" from your toddler: snot, pizza grease and chocolate milk stains on your shirt in the same day.) However, I'm not yet to the point of buying whatever generic shirt is on the rack at Wal-Mart; I still enjoy wearing a good moto-inspired tee. This is where I run into a unique fashion conundrum I'm pretty sure is only found in the dirt bike community. When I go into any motorcycle shop to find a few new t-shirts I have the choice between the colors black, or black. For graphics I can choose between Olde English font, near naked ladies (or silhouettes of them) and of course an extensive variety of skulls. What's a clean living, not-quite-middle-age moto dad to do? When it comes to clothing, why has the moto industry put nearly all their eggs into the "bro" basket? Please, Ping, now is the time to wield your formidable and substantial influence in the industry to stem the tide of the bro culture before my last few non-black, non-skull moto tees succumb to the dreaded runny nose/chocolate milk mustache wipe.
Dan
Lakewood, CA
Dear Dan,
Snot, chocolate milk and pizza grease is a formidable trifecta that can only be topped by the breast milk, peanut butter and jelly and fecal matter trio when it comes to ruining an outfit. One of the most perplexing moments of my life happened one day when I was eating peanut butter sandwiches with my kids for lunch and had to change my youngest daughters poopie diaper about halfway through. I took care of business, threw away the stench-ridden ball of diaper and wipes and then noticed a smear of what looked like either peanut butter or doodie on my left index finger. Of course you wash your hands regardless of what it really was but it affected the way I felt about my hands the rest of the day. It ranks up there as one of my top welcome-to-parenthood moments.
Anyway, the whole bro culture has gotten way out of hand and I honestly can’t figure out why. Blame the consumer, I guess. These companies are making this crap because it sells. There are still some very cool moto companies that didn’t drink the proverbial bro Kool-Aid and still have designs without skulls. This probably sounds like a sales pitch but Troy lee Designs has been ramping up their casual line and they make some very cool stuff… in all sorts of colors. Alpinestars, Oakley and even Racer X are all good places to start. They are good companies and they are completely free of naked-girl-silhouette prints.
PING
Have a burning question or comment for Ping? E-mail him at ping@racerxonline.com.
