Dear Ping
As a subject of the Commonwealth (Australia) I believe in God, Queen and Country and the hereditary divine right of Kings. My understanding of America is that you as a nation rejected this ethos in favour (not favor) of a democratic republic and you shot quite a few of the English to make your point. Please then riddle me this: why does American motocross adopt a hereditary entitlement to the role of the goose of motocross. Reed’s mechanic is goose. His son then is awarded the title little goose. Surely a few years ago Hansen was more deserving of that title. More recently Lawrence was deserved of the title big goose. Why is American motocross bucking your own American system?
Regards
Andrew Christie
Dear Andrew,
First of all, those English jerks had it coming so don’t go dumping that on our heads. And if my history books were correct, Australia got it’s start as a large version of our Alcatraz Prison for all the crumpet-eating law-breakers over there in merry old England. My guess is your ancestors would have shot them too if they hadn’t been caught. I hear what you’re saying about Goose and his boy, Lil’ Goose though. That certainly exudes certain hereditary entitlement flair. But I think you’re jumping the gun on Jason. Every inmate is issued soap on a rope to avoid being “goosed” while in the showers. Of course we can’t be certain of what went on but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. Thanks for bringing this to my attention, Andrew. Do me a favor (not favour) and let me know if you see it happening again. I’ll do my best to correct it.
P.S. Democracy rules!
PING
Aloha Mr.Pingree,
Howzit from the Valley Isle. Hope all is well. I don't do this kind of stuff often so this may sound silly (it may look silly because I can’t spell too good). I love your column and try to read everything you write so....since you seem to be hurtin’ for ask Ping stuff, I thought it was time.
What's up with your boy Matthes? I sent him an e-mail challenging him to a "lose some f*&$kin weight FAT BOY" contest with a possible race after. No answer. Nothing. You think he's chicken? Really can't ride? Likes pork rinds too much?
I checked out the Paris SX video you guys posted and man, the buggah is big! We could be twins. I'm pushin 280+ so I'm just a little porky also. I'm ready to get back on my bike, lose some excess blubber and enjoy the fruits of my labor. And I wouldn’t mind my 5 mins. of fame kickin Stevie boys ass. The formula could be something like total percentage of body weight lost over a 6-month period, divided by laps led in a 20 min. moto (or who doesn’t die). Of course afterwards we should go to Sizzler for all you can eat shrimp and a couple (12 packs) of beers. Loser buys, and leaves the tip and kisses the winners ass and lives in ETERNAL SHAME.
Thanks for your time and I hope your holidays were killer.
Please give Mr. Matthes a kick in the ass for me.
Chris Davis
Aloha Brudda Chris,
I don’t know why he won’t respond to you but I would pay good money to see a poi-eating contest between the two of you. Watching you two plus-sizes sweat off fifty or sixty pounds doesn’t interest me nearly as much as seeing who can inhale a five gallon bucket of that nasty slop. The bad news is that Steve is no longer part of the Racer X crew as of yesterday. He is taking his show on the road and doing some other things. I think I heard him mutter something about a traveling moto circus but that could be wrong because he was gulping down a tanker-sized Coke in between mouthfuls of Canadian back bacon. I’m sure he’ll see this challenge put out there in print and maybe he’ll take it more seriously. Thanks for the letter, Chris.
P.S. Send me some chocolate covered macadamia nuts.
Mahalo
PING
Dear Ping,
How come desert racers don't get any love?
Thanks,
Chuck McBurney
Dear Chuck,
That seems like a pretty personal question but I’ll do my best to answer. Maybe it’s because they spend all day riding in the hot, dusty desert and by the time they’re done they smell like a drunken hobo’s crotch? Maybe it’s bad acne or untamed eyebrows or over-calloused hands or simply a lack of confidence around the fairer sex. You know, a lot of time girls just want to be listened to. My wife was saying something like that just the other day. She said that she feels like I don’t listen to her… I mean, really listen to her when she talks. And if I would focus my attention on her for some amount of time then something else would happen and something else… I’m not really sure because I kind of zoned out a bit after a while. The Chargers game was on and there was only a few minutes left in the game so, you know. But, anyway, I had no idea it was so lonely being a desert racer. I’m pretty good buddies with Destry Abbott and I think I’ll hook him up with some nice cologne for his birthday. Thanks for your concern, Chuck.
PING
Got a burning question for Ping? Email him at ping@racerxonline.com.
