Mr. Pingree,
I enjoy your posturing and bloviating most of the time. Recently, I
received the new Motosport Outlet catalog, and there you are, modeling
clothes. At first I thought it was Garth from Transworld but soon
realized it was you in all of your glory. Is there any corner you won't work on?
Jim. Cumming, GA
Dear Jim,
You are quite the wordsmith; I had to look up bloviating in the
dictionary. Touché, my good man. There are a few things I refuse to do
regardless of the monetary compensation: I will never work at Hot Dog
on a Stick in a mall—you know, the place where all the employees are
dressed up in multicolored clown outfits and forced to wear a
ridiculously tall Mayor McCheese hat.… Every time I walk by that place,
I want to scream over the counter, “Sell your blood!” I also have no
interest in sign twirling, drug dealing, babysitting, or any of the
custodial arts. Short of that, I will pimp my services out like the
Bishop Don “Magic” Juan. Don’t be player hatin’, Jim.
PING
Ping,
In a recent photo I've seen of “Hard Man” Tyler Evans, it looks as
though he plucks his eyebrows! Hard man? Would he like to comment on
this?
Alan
Dear Alan,
 | | photo: Simon Cudby |
|
|
Tyler definitely plays the role of Supercross Metal Mullisha warrior.
Or maybe it’s more of a Jimmy “Superfly” Snooka persona. Either way, to
some extent, it’s an act or an image that he wants to portray. And it
works. It’s good for our sport to have some different personalities out
there. But when Tyler gets home after the races, it’s pretty clear that
he has some metrosexual tendencies. The eyebrow waxing is just one
facet of what is known as “manscaping” by the Ryan Seacrests of the
world. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Take a walk through the pits and
see how many riders you can find that don’t shave their arms and legs.
Seriously, do it. There’s not many. It’s a freaky side of the sport
that not many fans pay attention to. The trend started out on the West
Coast, where, unless you are a lumberjack or you live in a cabin in
Montana, you keep your body hair in check. The Abercrombie and Fitch
crowd of the Eastern seaboard hasn’t quite caught on to the trend, but
I think the gals over there like a little fur on their men. It seems
like the further away you get from France, the less body hair is
acceptable. That’s just my opinion. Anyhoo, take it easy on Tyler. At
least he doesn’t look like he has a caterpillar crawling across his
forehead.
PING
Ping,
Please be the first person/magazine in the industry to test a 250cc
two-stroke vs. 250cc four-stroke, and end the debate forever. And begin
to enlighten the masses. You are the man that can do it. Isn't it kind
of embarrassing that a four-stoke 250 can barely beat a 125 two-stroke?
Geez.
Robert Pfetzing
Dear Robert,
 | | photo: Simon Cudby | |
|
I think you are confused. The reason nobody has ever done a test
comparing 250cc four-strokes against 250cc two-strokes is that they
aren’t meant to compete against each other. It just wouldn’t make any
sense. And I don’t know what 250 thumper you rode, but nine out of ten
test riders can turn faster lap times on a 250 four-stroke than on a
125. And the tenth test rider is an idiot. Maybe you should double your
medication dosage and give in to the four-stroke movement. I love those
premix-burning bastards, too, but sometimes you just have to let go.
PING
