Mr. Ping,
Not long ago, I settled in to rest my bones for a long winter's nap. Well, apparently I skipped the REM stage and went right into a deep sleep...and stayed there a bit longer than I intended. I can't tell you exactly when I dozed off; all I remember is that there were three channels on my television, Bruce Jenner stood up to pee and motocross bikes sang a sweet tone that sounded like Barry Gibb having an orgasm.
Well, you can imagine the shell-shocked feeling I had when I woke up this morning? Not only do I have a beard that goes all the way down to my man ker-knockers, but...what happened to the motocross bikes? They sure do look, sound and smell differently! Like any good American, I decided to turn on the television to get more information...and after flipping through 986 channels (800 of them were pornography...teenagers sure do have different hobbies these days!), I found motocross racing! On the TV! And boy, have things changed, most important of which is...what happened to the customary kiss from the trophy girl for the race victor? Back before my snooze began, no winner worth his salt would accept that trophy without first planting a big muddy sweaty wet one right on the lips of the fair lass. And while he was at it, he usually gave her a firm pat on the old exhaust, too!
Well, that's obviously the first of many questions I will have for you. Right now, I think I'll go rub my beard, if you know what I mean!
Rumpled S. Skin
Rumpled,
Hey, sleepy-head, welcome back! Yes, things have certainly changed over the years, and not all of it is for the better. There’s good news and bad news on modern bikes. The good news is that they are so much easier to ride you’ll be able to go faster than ever and jump farther than you ever imagined. The bad news is that you’ll be able to go faster than ever and jump farther than you ever imagined. The first time you hit the deck flat out on a 450 you’ll know what I’m saying. The cost is also staggering; the first time you blow up a 250 you’ll know what I mean.
There are actually some good TV shows on but you’ll have to wade through a sea of porn and reality shows to get to it. Speaking of which, if you are looking to buy a cam shaft be sure to visit www.hotcamsinc.com but NOT www.hotcams.com... Big difference.
The trophy girl situation took a big turn back when Clarence Thomas thought it would be rad to put a pubic hair on one of his female coworker’s soda cans. I’m not sure where he was headed with that move but he ruined the fun for everybody. Now you’ll get sued for winking at a girl at work. A pat on the exhaust? Dude, you’ll be in San Quentin faster than you can say sexual assault. Good luck adjusting to life in 2016. Oh, and don’t ever let your friends talk you into Googling “two girls one cup.” It’s a game changer in a bad way.
PING
Dear Mr. Ping,
A long time fan, I've watched supercross and motocross in person numerous times. After maybe too much to drink, I got to thinking that we've seen three perfect seasons in outdoors and none indoors. I've always thought of the outdoors as gnarlier, more exciting, more dangerous and more difficult but clearly I'm wrong right? Are the outdoors easy enough (for a select few) to be like, ehh, I got this? And yet, in supercross, it’s like “Oh crap?”
Alex
Alex,
It is interesting that we’ve never seen a perfect season in supercross. Even the guy with 72 career wins couldn’t get it done. The thing with Lucas Oil Pro Motocross is that you get 40 minutes to work your way to the front where you only get 15 to 20 minutes to make it happen in a stadium race. A bad start or simple crash is all it takes to derail a win in supercross where you have time to make up for it outside. While Nationals are more work from a physical endurance standpoint, they are historically safer than supercross. Injury/crashes are a bigger factor in supercross. There may come a day in the future where we see a perfect season in supercross but I don’t think it will be anybody currently racing. As good as Dungey is there are just too many other guys with race-winning speed.
PING
Ping,
As a former top-notch pro and successful team manager, I'd like your thoughts on something. If you were given the opportunity to build a team of today's AMA riders who would you choose? One 450, one 250 and one up and comer to help develop… who would it be? I'd like to hear the rationale behind your choices.
Thank you,
Stan Bruzgulis
The Stump Grinder
Stan,
Well, I’d be a total ass face if I didn’t pick Ryan Dungey for my 450 rider. He’s the complete package and is better than ever right now. For my 250 riders I’d pick Aaron Plessinger and Colt Nichols. I realize neither of them has won a title yet, but I don’t think it’s far off. They are both taller guys who will make a smooth transition to the 450 and they both have championship potential. In fact, I think Plessinger could be a real player in the upcoming 250SX East Region. By next season I could see Colt winning races, especially if he is on a top-level team. If that all falls through maybe I could call Ben Townley?
PING
Have a question for Ping? Email him at ping@racerxonline.com.
