Ask Ping!

Oh wise Ping,
I come to you seeking guidance on a social phenomenon that has been showing up all over the Internet, or more precisely, the moto-boards. Why is it that in our sport some douchebag always has to post the word “first” when he is (obviously) the first to post a comment and clearly out-geeked everyone else? The fact that you can see a post like that under almost each and every article certainly points to the conclusion that moto fans in general (or at least an alarmingly high percentage of them) are f#@*ing retarded. Which is sad. Please help me ping, I really need your moto wisdom on this one.

Your fan,

Francis

Dear Francis,

I always thought that was some kind of joke that I missed out on or something. Surely people wouldn’t be lame enough to just say “First” because they were the first person to post something and couldn’t come up with anything more profound than “First” regardless of the articles content, right? There’s no way something that juvenile could be so rampant. But then you did such a damn fine job of summing up the general population in your question/angry rant that it all became crystal clear to me. People are indeed dumb. How else do you explain the sales of Chinese motorcycles, skinny jeans and the current leaders of our country’s government? Francis, I think you did a fine job of answering your own question.

PING

To the almighty master of witticism,

For some reason while looking at this ridiculous ad for one of the new 'freerider, tattooed, bad boy' lifestyle companies I have felt prompted to write to you. For starters, Colin "Scummy" Morrison has some awful tattoos. For instance, on his right hand it says "RIDE MOM." I can't even make this stuff up! So I thought I'd look closer and, no B.S., his neck tat says "Ride II Life." I've been laughing about it for close to twenty minutes now and since your article has the same effect on me (for different reasons), I thought I'd just bring the two together.

Anyhew, I'm not sure if this question has been posed to you before but what is your take on the tattoo scene and it's prominence within certain circles of riders? Did you ever jump on the wagon and get some barbed wire on your bicep, or anything of that nature?

For the record, I think tattoos look pretty cool on some people, just gotta love the in-your-face, career-killer neck tat that was supposed to say 'Ride II LIVE.'

Thanks for your time. Looking forward to seeing you in the pits sometime soon. I'll be the thirty-year-old with fresh ink on my neck/head.

JT in NY

Dear JT,

“Ride Mom,” huh? Well, this is a fitting follow-up to question number one by Francis the First and the same answer will probably work for both of them. I haven’t seen Mr. Scummy’s tattoos but I’ve never been a fan of neck, face, or full-sleeve tattoos. I’m not saying that those with a bunch of ink are losers but I did have someone give me good perspective on it once: He said that while not all people with tattoos are losers, all losers have tattoos. I guess I passed on the ink because I didn’t want to be lumped into the same category as the unwashed masses out there with skulls and flames on their necks. But tattoos are a way of life for some people. And I’m sure all the college kids from the class of 2000 are still super-stoked on the big tribal piece that spans their shoulder blades or biceps and will “never go out of style” due to it’s ambiguous nature. Or maybe it wasn’t a good idea to listen to the gothic needle-jockey working at the tattoo parlor and your pizza-fed, weed-enhanced roommates when you were picking your tattoo (Tiger Woods walking on water comes to mind) . The good news is you’ll be dead in sixty years or so and you won’t have to bear the shame of that thing any longer.

Ride to Life, JT. Ride to Life.

PING

Dear Ping,

I need to know if I have been played for a fool. I added Chad Reed as a friend on Facebook. Am I a total fool for believing that he is really on there and wants to be my friend? I know that some of the other top riders are on Facebook, but Chad only has one photo up and it looks like a PR shot from when he was on Suzukis. Is this an imposter?

Facebook Friend Fanatic.

P.S I apologize for my poor grammar and spelling. In my defense I was home schooled.

Dear FFF,

OMG, that is totally Chad Reed! Why would someone else pretend to be him?? I just added two of the Kardashian sisters and Jake Gyllenhall to my Friends list and I know for sure it’s really them. They have pictures up and other stuff, like, where they live and junk. I’m going to play it cool for a little while and then see if they all want to get together and hang out or whatever. It’s going to be so awesome! Oh, wait, I don’t have a Facebook page. And Papa Smurf isn’t really 145 years old. And that probably isn’t Chad Reed on Facebook clamoring for new friends. I doubt he spends his spare time trying to meet people on the web. Sorry to rain on your parade, pal, but you’ve been duped.

PING

Got a question for Ping? E-mail him at ping@racerxonline.com.