Dear Ping,
My cat, Sailor, made a fatal attempt recently to live up to his name and jumped off the balcony of our high-rise apartment. One would think that thirty floors was a brave endeavor but he apparently thought it was within his skill range and launched with a big high five. When he jumped he spread his wings like a flying squirrel and showed a lot of confidence. I think it was around the fifteenth floor he started rolling up the windows and showed a brief moment of panic just before his landing, which could best be described as wet.
I looked at my son and said, “That’s why you can’t do freestyle”
I think he gets it now.
If you had some advice for Sailor just before he took his leap of faith, or my son who wants to try freestyle, what would it be?
Thanks,
Duc 996
Dear Duc,
Sorry to hear about your cat. My guess is he should have come when you called him instead of being such a snotty little bitch. There isn’t another species on this planet that thinks more of themselves than cats. Well, maybe the Kardashian clan. Turns out I’m not a big fan of cats. Or Kardashians. Still, you’ve got to give him credit for going for it. The fact that you can always land on your feet becomes irrelevant as you reach terminal velocity while darting for the sidewalk. I would have told Sailor that showing off for others is a bad idea. There’s a gooey spot on the sidewalk just outside your apartment complex that will back me up on this. I would also offer to your son that tattoos are bad for employment now and just plain bad when you get older. And breaking bones sucks. At least consider those things before you cut big holes in your side plates and let it rip. Here’s a suggestion: Have him write on essay on Josh Hill’s career and make sure he gets a few quotes about any regrets Josh might have.
PING
Dear Ping,
First I should let you know that I love everything you write and am constantly waiting for the new Ask Ping of the week. I recently came upon a book called Thrillcraft that talked about the environmental consequences of motocross and suggested a number of reasons for some extreme sports to be banished. I instantly knew it was a bunch of crap that came from some Greenpeace warrior who lacked the balls to hit a triple. But what made me think was that it said that mx riders, or people who love adrenaline, pursued such crazy goals because they wanted to compensate for unfulfilled lives and weren't pleased with their state of mind. It made me think because every time you clear a big new jump or a big step-up you feel capable of doing anything and feel a power that isn't really there. I'm trying to understand if this is a good or bad thing and would really appreciate your opinion.
Jacko
Argentina
Dear Jacko,
There is just something about eating too much granola and wearing hemp underwear that will make a person grumpy and unreasonable. The hippies that produced that video are clearly dealing with some of those issues. I definitely think that collectively we could do a better job of being responsible when we go riding. I see guys all the time throwing trash out of their trucks or draining oil on the ground. That stuff isn’t cool. But these wildlife zealots would love to see cars banned if they thought it was possible. OHV make an easy target so they wrapped up all their crazy into one 17-minute video and they use it to get other hikers and tree-huggers to drink their Kool Aid. If you haven’t seen the video, go here:
As far as feeling a sense of power when you jump something, I’m not sure I understand where you are coming from. Doing a jump for the first time is a huge adrenaline rush but I don’t ever say, “Yeah, I just jumped a huge step-up… I’m going to walk into a bar and start a fight. Maybe I’ll run out into traffic and tackle a car!”
Is that what you’ve been doing? If it is you might want to check the Argentinean sports drink you’ve been consuming and make sure it isn’t flavored with cocaine.
PING
Hey Ping,
You ever ride dirt bike in God’s country? In case you’re wondering I am talking about the lovely state of Wisconsin! This also is the home of the greatest football team on the planet, The Green Bay Packers! Wisconsin hasn’t produced many great professional motocross racers, but if you could name a few I would be highly impressed. If you ever find yourself in Wisconsin you can come and rip around on my track! After were done riding we’ll shotgun a couple PBR’s. It’s just what we do in God’s country!
Thanks,
Cale Dahm
Dear Cale,
God’s country? Wisconsin? I know where to go if I want to get an awesome wheel of cheese or a braut or a beer, but Wisconsin as a motocross destination? Everything I know about Wisconsin came from watching That ‘70’s Show and I never saw Kelso shredding berms prior to heading over to Foreman’s where hilarity, and dope-smoking, inevitably ensued. The only pro rider I know of that came out of Wisconsin is former factory Monark rider, Scott Wallenberg. Scott happens to be the publisher of Racer X so maybe he can offer up some fast Wisconsin heroes. Until then, Merry Christmas and send me a wheel of cheese!
PING
