O’ Ello! Lord Alfred Weigandt here, firing off ye olde annual missive in advance of the (formerly) greatest event in the history of motorsport, the Motocross des Nations! Formerly? Indeed. You see, last year’s event was held in jolly old England and anyone who witnessed it in person whilst experiencing proper British weather knows that edition cannot be topped. In fact, most scholars agree last year’s event was the best edition since the last time the event was held in England, and won’t be rivaled until it returns! Sadly, the septic tank yanks are hosting this year’s event and there’s zero chance the Americans can throw a party to rival the Brits (especially if it’s a tea party, but I digress).
‘Nations in America? Stiff upper lip, chaps.
I must admit I do not know much of this Ironman track, for I stick to a few golden rules in my life, and one is to not respect a track as “proper” until it reaches its 50th year. Ironman being decades away from that, I will not give it the attention it does not deserve, however since it’s an American track, I can only assume it’s littered (as the yanks would say) with rubbish stadium-cross jumps. No foxes no hills no hawks no stones no Matterleys or even basins at this track, I am sure. With the stadium-cross obstacles, it’s probably set better for a proper X Games freestyle match. Team USA, where’s Brian Deegan when you need him?
Speaking of missing, let’s skip to the point. This year’s event is marred by the loss of one of the greatest shining talents in the sport today, an old-school warrior wrapped in modern day sizzle, a chap as dynamic on the track as off. This rider is not afraid to speak his mind, whilst also creating one of the most dominant 250F seasons America had ever seen. Then it came undone. Heartbreaking, really, but what do you expect? America has decided to create a made-for-reality-telly series, and our hero was not treated kindly by the byzantine rules of the format. The deck was stacked against this mighty lad in a three-round tournament races, and now he has gone missing from the most important event of all. The real loss? Not for Yamaha, but for the fans who were ready to cheer their hearts out watching the most dynamic talent the sport had seen since Thorpy.
Of course we all know who I’m talking about:
Small-bore magic like Malin? Not this year, sadly. Max was first given poor medical advice from American doctors (of course) after crashing on a rubbish stadium-cross jump (of course). But that handicap was nothing compared to being forced into a bizarre support-race consolation trial for three weeks just to race in the made-for-telly XMS events. Max somehow managed to survive that gauntlet, emerging healthy. Max, he is a clever one, and he stayed out of trouble the whole time. So then America, fearing another Mad Max 1-1 just like his GOAT performance in front of the Queen in 2017, decided to rig this even further. His (American) team simply denied him a bike! Witness a press announcement this week from his team:
“The team is proud to represent the U.S. on home soil at this year’s Motocross of Nations,” said Wil Hahn, the Monster Energy Yamaha Star Racing 250 Team Manager, in a Yamaha statement.
Thank you, Mr. Hahn for tipping your hand! Team USA fears Team GB so the best way to win is to keep Max’s bike under lock and key, cloak and dagger.
I would be in tears over this year’s Team GB lineup if not for my own instincts to keep calm and carry on. In as such as I only honor tracks 50 years on, we were nearing a similar run of decades with the Anstie/Searle/Wilson lineup. Now all three are finally jettisoned. Shocker that Deano’s knees are shot from American stadium-cross. And the indefatigable Tommy Searle, oh, can we get him properly knighted for his service? This year, I don’t even know who to pull for. Beta even pulled Ben “Elementary My Dear” Watson from the team. Never trust the Italians….
So now the home team hopes for victory now that Mad Max is sacked, but they have their own issues that cheating alone can’t solve. At the top, the team continues to rely on Elis Tomac. As much as it pains me to say this, I do tip me cap to Tomac for staying in the game for so long. However, for Team America to believe an athlete that was racing mountain bikes in the 1980s to still be its best hope for glory, well, it shows the state of its affairs. Do they not breed any young talent over there any longer?
Similar is the 250 conundrum, solved for the second year in a row by Justin Cooper Webb. I do enjoy watching a big-bike rider drop down to a tiddler (I can only imagine what Thorphy could have done on a CR125 at Maggiora in 1986) but it again shows a lack of young talent inside America’s ranks. Oh do not fret, I’m well aware of America’s own “Metallica Mulisha” rebel in Haiden Deegan, and I can say I’m as against this disrespectful behaviour now as I was when punk rock (an Brit invention, lest you forget) started tearing up our streets in the 1970s. This is the sport of Kings, designated as proper and genteel. Young Deegan does not live up to standards held within the Chamberlain Cup! YouTube? More like You Boob! Am I right?
The other American? RJ Hampshire. I do not know much of him but the “RJ” part does invoke scary memories of Ricky Johnson past, which I’d rather not relive. I do know that America hosts a territory called New Hampshire within the confines of New England. Both proof sequels are never as good as the original. That will probably be the case when you compare this RJ to the one from the ‘80s.
Not like any of this matters. Team USA could have its guns and ships fully in order with General Washington at the helm and it would prove feckless against a true colonialized operation. See, the Americans might have sacked Mad Max this year, but they’ve been outflanked for centuries. Team GB had a backup plan in place, and of course I’m talking of a nation that proudly still puts the Union Jack on its flag. Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! If the world wants to play fast and loose with its rules, we shall do it as well, shipping our hardest, most cunning types Down Under. We sent them there to teach law and order, and what comes out? Lawrences! Witness another “wreckoning” this weekend when Down Under ends up on top. Of the podium! Oh haha I’m practically soiling myself over this notion, although to be fair at my age having such issues “down under” is a common occurrence. It will feel justified this weekend, however!
Cheers, incidentally, to Honda. In the 1980s, Thorpy showed the unit what class truly is, plus, the honor and respect of racing under Japanese ownership is reflected in its efforts. American Honda is giving a bike to Jo Shimoda in a way American Yamaha would not for Anstie, but for each of these brands I understand the motives. Whilst Yamaha’s American arm is merely afraid of another glorious run by Team GB, Honda at large is worried of an even larger attack by the Brits. See, the Japanese must pool all of its recourses and pull all of its ranks. With Triumph now set on triumph, Japan’s short run of success in this sport (a mere 50 years or so, again, barely enough to warrant my attention) is under attack. I can’t wait for Triumph to bring us back to where BSA took us so many years ago. The Japanese better hold tight to what it has, for now. Go ahead, Honda, help Shimoda. Feed that Lawrence machine. Go ahead, Aussies, let’s put another ‘Ship on barbie. America had its chance, and it chose to break loose with its New England and New Hampshire rubbish. What was true then will remain so now: the sun never sets on the British Empire! Indeed, when the track grows dark Sunday night, and the Aussies are celebrating with (a quarter of their flag featuring) the Union Jack, it will also be sun rise Down Under. Sorry Team USA. We’ll leave a light on for you, mates!
