Dear Ping,
We have a problem. I am an attractive wife of an avid motocrosser. Not only am I attractive but I’m totally amazing too. For instance, picture my husband walking into our living room Christmas morning only to find his dream bike (a brand new kx450) parked smack dab in the middle of the room with a big red bow (with lights even). A gift he’d begged me to let him get for months when I secretly had already purchased it and had it in hiding until the big day. (See? Awesome!)
The problem? My husband has a serious MAN-CRUSH. The target? You. No matter what sexy lingerie I’m wearing or how I try to seduce him, if he’s reading “Ask Ping” I get pushed aside until he’s done giggling. I think maybe for a little while could you try and not be so funny so I can be his #1 crush again?
Sincerely,
Thumper
Dear Thumper,
This is a problem. On the one hand I’m glad that he is a fan and reads this column on a regular basis. On the other hand, he is ignoring a pretty woman in lingerie to read some ridiculous drivel that he could easily come back to at a later time. Wait, I’ve got it…. In your best Victoria’s Secret kit I want you to let him sit back in bed and then read Ask Ping to him. This might seem like an odd form of foreplay at first but we need to keep our eye on the bigger picture here and that is saving your marriage. Hey, I like the sound of that. Ask Ping: Saving marriages one sexy question at a time. Thanks for the tagline and good luck.
PING
Dear Ping,
What was the dance that Cole Seely did after he won the race to the first turn in the LA lites main? It started out a little folksy then added a little Spanish flavor and finished off with some new age stuff. If he dances this good after winning the race to the first corner I can't wait to see his podium dance. My daughter and I wore out the dvr button laughing our butts off. (It was only funny since we knew he was ok and would only have to explain the scars to his most intimate of friends.) If you haven't seen his moves yet you'll have to check them out. CBS plays the whole thing during the highlights while waiting on the podium interviews.
Thank Mr. Seely for the laughs.
ROTFL in Illinois.
Dear ROTFL,
I’m pretty sure that dance is called the Hot Seat. After getting sent off the track by a couple of guys who forgot where their brakes were, Cole lost his front end and rolled onto the top of his bike so he was sitting right on the exhaust header. I don’t know how often you have a seat on your exhaust while it’s burning white-hot but it isn’t very comfortable. I recently pulled over at a local track to pee and didn’t realize that my leg was resting against the header on my bike. In just a few seconds that thing burned through my pants, knee braces and started warming up my leg to an uncomfortable temperature. Now I get free gear from TLD so I was more upset that I got pee all over my boots and my bike when I jumped away from the hot exhaust than I was about the damage to my equipment. My point is that whatever new-age, salsa moves that Cole was throwing down were inspired by a fear that his butt cheeks were actually on fire. Hot seat indeed.
PING
Hey Ping,
If there were a motocross Mount Rushmore who would be your 4 riders you would put on it based on their contribution to the sport? Who would be the crazy horse monument? Still want a wheel of cheese?
Dear person from Wisconsin?
This is going to vary from person to person based on their age and the era they grew up watching and studying motocross. For me the four faces etched in stone are Hannah, Ward, McGrath and Carmichael. Each of them contributed to the growth and popularity of the sport, as well as the progression that took riding techniques to new levels. Oh, and they each won a few races as well. I know right now some Euro is literally crapping his pants and going crazy because I didn’t include Roger DeCoster; Americans only on my Motocross Mt. Rushmore, folks. My Crazy Horse monument would be Stefan Everts, the greatest Grand Prix motocross rider of all time. Anybody agree or disagree with me on these? Lets here it in the comments section.
Oh, and I am officially off dairy for now, unless you can sneak me a pint of ice cream without my wife knowing about it. In that case, yes, please.
PING
