Dear Ping,
Our best buddy Bryan used to ride and hang out with us back in the day. He was fast too; A former local pro and a silver medallist at the ISDE. Unfortunately, like a lot of guys out there, he got married and had a couple of kids. Now he won't ever ride with us or even hang out. He lives in constant fear of his wife. He recently bought a 2012 KTM 350 (I know, we think he's crazy too) but he has yet to come ride with us. He always has a "honey-do list", or rather a "honey-don't list", or is taking care of the kids while his wife drives around in her SUV that he pays for. What can we do to get our buddy Bryan back? Please help...
Depressed in Denver,
Joe & DJ
Dear Joe and DJ,
This is a sad and all-too-common scenario these days. Well, it’s common in developed, modern countries anyway. I don’t suppose guys living in rural African villages who speak in clicks and pops and scavenge for food and potable water all day are really worried about how much time they get with their “Bros.” Things like food, shelter and malaria are likely higher on the priority list than getting some much-deserved saddle time on their new KTM. I don’t mean to belittle your situation or force-feed you some big-picture perspective because it sounds like your pal has definitely been neutered by a man-eating women who is slowly sapping his will to live. I’m guessing that as difficult as this has been for you it is much worse for Bryan. Maybe you should just talk to him about it and come up with a solution before he loses his mind and mows her down with that SUV he’s paying for and never gets to drive. Good luck.
PING
Ping,
If you were in bed between Elton John and Jennifer Aniston, who would you turn your back on?
Chris Poole
England
Dear Chris,
I thought about this for quite a while. It’s like one of those trick questions where there is no right answer. Round and round I go inside my head trying to figure out if I want to be pole-to-pole with Elton John or turn my back on Mr. “Rocket Man” and be distracted by Brad Pitt’s ex. Both options are equally disturbing. Finally, I came to the conclusion that I don’t have to answer that. There’s no reason at all that I should find myself in bed with those two and if I did I probably have bigger problems than making that choice. Nice try though.
PING
Dear Ping,
Recently a social science student approached me and asked for my opinion on ideas for his thesis regarding people’s adverse reactions to written statements that they don’t agree with. I suggested he attend the Daytona 500 wearing a T-shirt that said, “Dale Earnhardt was a gay draft dodger”. Or perhaps Anaheim 1 wearing one that said, “ Jeremy McGrath couldn’t ride a tricycle” or the flight museum with one that said, “ Chuck Yeager couldn’t fly a paper airplane.” He was thrilled with the idea and ran off to have his shirts made and order his tickets. I think he will get all the input he needs for his paper and have plenty of time to write it during his recovery.
My question to you is how do you think it will go for him and do you have any ideas?
Thanks,
Duc996
Dear Duc,
I love hearing about a young mind motivated to get out into the world and learn. The naivety and zeal they have for seeking answers is so sweet you just can’t quite bring yourself to stop them from running headlong into the physical and emotional beat-down that inevitably comes. Do I have ideas for this sweetheart of a boy? Absolutely. Go to Canada and start shouting, “Hockey is for dorks” on any street corner. Go to Afghanistan with “Mohammad can suck it” printed on your turban. Go to Asterisk with a hat that says “Chuck Sucks.” Go to Ryan Hughes house with a shirt that says, “ I simply don’t agree with you.” These are all provocative options and could potentially start a riot. I think our studious little friend is going to come away from all this with two things. One: A fantastic understanding at mans lack of understanding when it comes to varying beliefs. Two: Flesh wounds. Hope he knows a good doctor.
PING
