I wrote to you last month. You gave me no indication of receipt of my letter. You hurt my feelings. Do you hate Canadians?
P.S. I went 8 - 5 for 7th overall in the Vet Junior class at the Alberta Provincial series last weekend. Thought you might like to know, but probably you won’t.
Thanks for writing in; I did receive your letter. Try to understand that I cannot answer everyone’s email right away. I try to stick with three each week and it can take a while until some are answered. Some are not interesting enough to respond to and others are completely idiotic. Yours is a little of both, but I didn’t want you to think that I hate Canadians because nothing could be further from the truth. I actually love Canada. The country is beautiful, though I probably couldn’t hang there in the winter, and the people are always friendly. The one exception was my visit to Quebec, but I’ve been told that Canada doesn’t really claim Quebec. Is that right? Anyway, congrats on your mediocre finishes up in Alberta. You hang in there and you’ll end up with a fourth or fifth one day. Good luck.
Dear Mr. Ping,
I'll start off my first and probably only letter to you by saying I am a big fan of the Troy Lee Designs race team. I have been sporting my TLD gear and lid since the first time I threw my leg over a dirt bike, and I was more than excited to see Troy put together a solid MX/SX program. Furthermore, whether you take credit or not, you have done a great job putting the TLD team on the podium in no time flat. I am sure the team will continue with the success that you have started them off on.
A little treasure of my Friday afternoons at work is logging on to good ol' Racer X Online and reading the creative and sarcastic ways you respond to the majority of the time incredibly ridiculous letters you receive (I wonder if we are going to see a counter argument to the counter argument of which balding middle-aged man is better at phase 10). That being said, I feel a bit shorted last week with you answering only two letters.
I understand that you are about to embark on a new journey into Emergency Medicine and maybe when you find yourself anxiously awaiting a call, you will find some other guy on the internet on which you count on for a weekly chuckle. My point being, next week, if possible, I propose you answer four letters to make up for your shortcomings this past week. I do understand that it is possible that you only received two letters this past week, but find it highly unlikely with your huge fan base.
Your biggest fan,
I sent in three letters last week but only two made it to the interweb. You see, occasionally I can let my typing fingers get ahead of my brain a little bit. Somebody says something that really sets me off and I drop bombs like the Enola Gay over the sovereign nation of Japan. Thankfully there is a little bit of a checks and balances system set up here at Racer X where somebody is required to read my submissions before they go active on the web. I think this all started when we were nearly sued by the proprietor of a dodgy pizza establishment in Ohio once for what she called "slander." Well, long story short, one of my letters was a little too nasty for publication and will never see the light of day. There’s a black hole somewhere with about a dozen such letters and responses. Maybe someday I can sell them in a book. I’ll call it ‘Excerpts from a Professional… Go F#@k Yourself.’ Maybe I’ll even sell it under an alias, like, Turd Furguson or something. Keep an eye out at Barnes and Noble.
May I offer "rhetoric" as a suggestion to your vast vernacular? It is a favorite of mine and I sometimes refer to myself as the King of said "rhetoric". Have a wonderful day.
Rhetoric is a fantastic word and I’m seriously thinking about throwing it into my repertoire. I actually like repertoire because it sounds nothing like it’s spelled. I’m also fond of schmuck, dingle berry and cous cous for obvious reasons. I won’t bore you with any further rhetoric.