Ask Ping!

Dear Ping,

I love looking at the “30 second gal” as much as the next guy, but I wonder: is this good for the sport? Even knuckle-dragging NASCAR abandoned such flagrant feminine displays decades ago. I suppose we could take this and turn it – why not have the camera guy up-skirt her when the camera goes between her legs? Perhaps she could have a Monster logo on her undies, or it could be carefully pruned and sculpted via razor if she goes Commando. What are your thoughts on these bronzed gals with their Mega Bolt-ons, specifically with respect to marketing regular consumer products (and not just energy drinks)?

Mark

New York City

Dear Mark,

I’ve been criticized for criticizing these bronzed, buxom beauties. Sorry, I use alliteration as a crutch when I try to avoid insults. I fear we’ve not only crossed the line of decency here but we’ve long jumped across it, turned around, dropped our pants and helicoptered our male genitalia at it. I don’t know if you have kids, Mark, but many times I find myself saying, “Wow, those girls aren’t wearing much.” And then I make a mental note to never, ever bring my girls to a motorcycle race. I don’t want them thinking that it’s okay to walk around in miniature shorts that leave half of your butt cheeks flapping in the wind. And when you add in the overdone makeup that looks like it was painted on by the local Earl Scheib and the absolutely ridiculous boobs that seem to defy gravity, well, it just seems like they’re trying a little too hard. My question is, how many other parents are saying the same thing? Are we actually losing spectators over this?

My point of view has changed 180 degrees in the past decade, no question. When I was a teenager I would have told you to stop being such a grumpy old fart and enjoy the scenery. So, from one grumpy old fart to another… here’s hoping they tone it down just a touch.

PING

Mr. Ping,

As you bestow upon us your infinite wisdom in all things motocross, could you please share with us your thoughts in areas beyond moto?  Dare I say things that are larger than motocross, such as the consequences of the bailout money, record deficits, and a ballooning national debt?  Our federal government is spending itself into oblivion, it’s as if the throttle is stuck wide open on the money printing presses.  Can someone please just turn the gas off?  When the inflation sets in, how much will a new motocross bike cost?

Surely, a man of your stature and influence, and with your gift of persuasion, can put this country back on track, so that our children, and our children’s children, can continue to enjoy the ecstasy of motocross.

We shall nominate you to serve in the President’s cabinet as the newly appointed motocross czar, for we know that you will serve with love, and offer justice to all.

 Your friend, supporter and advocate,

Crashomatic

Dear Crashomatic,

I’m not supposed to talk politics here. But I will say that I am terrified about the road we’ve headed down. I’m not really a doomsday kind of guy, either. I am just a realist and I know that you can’t continue to accrue debt the way this administration (or the prior administration) has without very real consequences. We can point fingers all we want but at some point we need to just focus on getting the ship headed back in the right direction. Because a ship this big doesn’t turn around easy and if we don’t keep a look out we’ll run straight into an iceberg and sink this Titanic in a hurry. And then Leonardo DeCaprio dies and that crusty old lady lobs a massive jewel worth more than most people make in a lifetime overboard like a booger out a car window and I just don’t think I can take that heartbreak all over again. You know what I mean?

Wait, what was I talking about?

Ah, yes, the end of this country as we know it. Well, let’s just hope that common sense makes a comeback sometime very soon.

PING

Hey Ping,

I know someone changed the racing to Saturday, but the crying, little, sniveling bitches who are pro racers, like Windham, who want to stay home with their kids, should! And he is!  Most people who do not have the luxury to be a pro racer have to work and cannot make it to a race on Saturday but otherwise could make it "ON ANY SUNDAY" will not show up-like me.  We need real racers, not pussies who want to stay home because racing takes up their weekend!

Dear ?,

I guess it’s no big surprise that you didn’t sign your name or leave a valid email address that I could respond to. Guys who talk loud like you generally don’t have the balls to do so. First of all, the riders have nothing to do with racing being held on Saturdays. Trust me, they don’t care which day of the week it is because it doesn’t matter one way or the other to them. People working inside the industry suggested it so that they could be back to work on Monday instead of sitting in an airplane. It is easier to take off a Friday afternoon than a Monday when you own a successful company. But I’m sure you wouldn’t know anything about that. Do you mean to tell me that you can’t get one Saturday off for the whole year? Does your entire income depend solely on you working every single Saturday of the summer? You can’t take one of them off to see the one national that comes through your area? If you can’t then you should look into a better job… like sculpting figurines out of dried elephant dung in Zimbabwe. I don’t even know what else to say here. If you can’t look at what you wrote and see what an ignorant assface you sound like then you have problems. Tell your doctor to up your dosage.

PING