Ask Ping!

PING,

I have a theory that little fast kid Adam Cianciarulo is actually Shaun Palmers son. The first time I saw him I thought it was a picture of Palmer as a kid. Also, that would explain his talent. I saw that video of him riding with Tim Ferry and I don't think an 85 could ever go any faster.

Dear ?,

That theory is actually pretty sound. Despite the fact that we have absolutely no evidence to back the theory, I am willing to go on record as saying that this is fact. Palm probably has more illegitimate children across the globe than all NBA players combined. Their looks and their shocking raw talent are further proof that they share DNA. To the good folks that are raising little Shaun Jr., please keep him away from dingy clubs and tattoo parlors. Palmer was the lead singer in a horrible band called Fungus during the peak/through his snowboard career and it didn’t do good things to his liver. And full sleeves of tattoos on an 80cc rider go over like a turd in a punch bowl with media and sponsors so lets defy his genetics and keep him ink-free. Maybe one day the two can meet up and talk about relationships, fashion and just an overall balance in life. Or, maybe not.

PING  

Yo Ping,
 
So what was the deal with the JLaw one-man wrecking crew at the Mini Moto SX in Vegas? He shows up in a cop car, attempts to take everyone out Chisolm style, and then I hear of fights breaking out in the pits. WTF?
 
Late,
 
Kenny #105

Dear Kenny,

Yeah, you pretty much summed it up; that is exactly what the deal was. The opening ceremonies were actually pretty cool. And I thought it was cool that he decided to race something that weekend since he was not able to race on Saturday night in the big supercross race. Love him or hate him, Jason brings a distinct entertainment value to any event he competes in. Sadly, on that night, it was not his racing that was entertaining. He made it about halfway through the final before he realized he wasn’t making the podium. His shot at me was a last-ditch effort to put himself in the top three. After that he set his sights on breaking as many ankles as he could. And I think he did a pretty good job of doing that. He punted some poor, French bastard over a berm so hard I think he landed back in Paris. After the race though, there were some fans that were not impressed. A crowd [maybe the term mob describes it more accurately] formed back at his motorhome and some of them proceeded to urinate on his coach and try to peel the wrap off of it. Needless to say, there were a few haters in attendance. And then some of the fans and haters got into brawls outside his motorhome. At one point two girls even started scrapping. Meeooow. It’s all just a typical days work in J-Law's world.

PING

Ping,

After missing the first round of PanicRev's fantasy Supercross season, I ended up finishing 17th place. I'd like to improve on my results for the gnarly outdoors, but I'm not sure who all is racing each class. Chad Reed now? Just wondering - will there be/can there be a posting before the season starts that gives a rider profile (or at least names) for each class? I think there was something like that in your magazine once. The only given is that Barry Carsten will be Budd's Creek for the 80th consecutive time.

Zach Osborne thinks the foreigners are gonna clean house?

Thanks,

Jerell Carper

Dear Jerell,

Wasn’t Jerell Superman’s fathers name? Maybe not. Anywho, I have a very simple solution for you here. The best thing you can do to take care of the problem you are currently having is go out and find yourself a girlfriend. That’s right, pal. You are clearly lacking some personal life and frankly I’m a little worried about all the free time you have on your hands. If you are so focused on constructing the perfect imaginary dirt bike race team that you would spend countless hours researching it online and piecing together an elite grouping of riders to take home a fake title that nobody will ever know or care about then you are in dire need of a date. It doesn’t have to be anything serious, just get yourself out of the house for a while. And no texting your fantasy moto buddies during dinner. And, yes, Barry Carsten is older than Johnny Carson. And, yes, Zach is completely out of his mind.

PING