Cool as Hell:  Junk Bikes for Sale

Cool as Hell: Junk Bikes for Sale

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As motorcycle enthusiasts, many of us have been in the position of shopping for a used dirt bike by skimming the classifieds, perusing Ebay or sorting through the scraped helmets and rusty, bent-up used parts that make up the, “Motorcycles,” section on Craigslist. Terms such as, never raced, low hours and, perfect condition, often accompany the ads for these machines, and when making a bike look good is often as easy as a quick pressure wash and new plastics and graphics, it can be hard to tell when a seller is lying or telling the truth. These types of deals can be scary, but there is a type of seller out there that provides an even scarier buying experience. That’s right, we’re talking about the person who makes no attempt to clean or pretty up a bike before selling it. The lack of effort seems to scream, “No amount of work can make this hunk of metal desirable.” So, for your enjoyment, we clicked through a few Craigslist ads and came up with two comical ads. Read our evaluations, and list your conclusion on what bike is the better or worse purchase in the comments section below.

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Just looking at this bike is enough to make a potential buyer’s mind start compiling a list of what might fall off should the bike ever become airborne for more than a few milliseconds. Check out that front number plate fitment! Although there is no mention of it in the ad, the top triple clamp is clearly aftermarket, and is likely the cause of the wayward number plate. But judging by the mismatched exhaust components, we’re guessing attention to detail ranks somewhere near the bottom of the current owner’s priority list. Then there’s the NorCal Bear sticker on the gas tank, which is a sure sign the owner most likely rides in a basketball jersey with a helmet that’s missing its visor. It’s a wonder this bike doesn’t have shorty fenders and cutouts in the air box.

Potentially upping the value is the claim of new tires, sprockets and chain. The tires do indeed look good, but the chain and sprockets look questionable. In addition, the chain looks to be holding more tension than a drunken anger management therapy session, which makes one wonder about the claim of professional maintenance and service.

At $1700, which is just a small amount below high bluebook value, this deal doesn’t seem too sweet. Oh well, at least it comes with an extra spark plug and throttle cable.

 

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Two for one is always a good deal when you’re buying a new hat or T-shirt, but when it comes to dirt bikes, the two-for-the-price-of-one situation is usually more accurately described as double trouble. That said, these two bikes actually look amazingly clean for their age. Perhaps this is what the owner was referring to when he mentioned the beauty of the two-stroke? That beauty has been enhanced by the application of several million stickers per bike, too. Adding further value is that both bikes have been rebuilt. The RM even has a new sleeve. No need to ask questions why the sleeve had to be replaced, we’re sure no chunks dropped into the bottom end, and the ports in the new sleeve are sure to match up. Right?

The biggest weakness of this deal is that the seller wants to move two bikes at a time. Unless you’re buying bikes for Travis Pastrana to backflip into the Grand Canyon, who needs two old dirt bikes? It’s not as if 250 two-strokes from the early 90s are the latest craze to hit the streets. Further inhibiting the deal is the price. High book on these two beauties totals roughly $2,000 (interestingly enough, the ’90 Honda has a higher bluebook value than the ’93 Suzuki), and when you can pick up a bike that’s easily fifteen years newer for the same amount the seller wants for these Jeff Stanton and Guy Cooper replicas, this isn’t exactly the deal of the decade. But hey, we’re sure there’s someone out there that appreciates the power and beauty of the two-stroke enough to put down the Budweiser long enough to load these babies into the back of a Bronco and speed off in the direction of the nearest gravel pit.


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Usually when someone is selling a pair of bikes that don’t run, it’s with the intention of combining parts from both machines to build one that is somewhat functional. But in this situation, that doesn’t appear to be an option. It’d probably be shorter to list what’s NOT missing on the ’00, and we’re not sure what that fuel tank came off of, although we can all agree that you don’t want to come up short with that tower in your crotch. The seller is not without a sense of humor, however, as the rear fender is adorned with an FMF sticker, yet the bike is missing any type of exhaust. At least the carburetor is being stored safely in the dirt and rocks.

The ’93 appears to be mostly all there, but alas, the motor is blown. The seller mentions that the jug (that’s redneck for cylinder) has been re-plated, but we’re thinking he’s been sipping a jug of moonshine if he hopes to push this backwoods deal through for $1200. The best deal here would be for the seller to pay someone the price he is asking in order to remove these clappers from his property.

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Yes, we saved the best ad for last. If we didn’t know that this bike was listed out of Sacramento, Calif., we’d wonder what part of South America it was located, as the seller seems to lack a working knowledge of the English language. We do like how like how upfront the seller is about the potential hotness of the bike in the ad though, as illustrated by the statement, “ I no paper work bill of sale if ask for it.”

Without even taking into account the broken rear fender and plastics that have faded more than Michael Vick’s glory, it’s obvious this little pittster is in need of some serious repair. Not to worry, by the looks of it, it’s a knock-off of a Japanese machine, and parts can’t be hard to find for these single run Chinese contraptions, right? And what’s with the FirePoliceMX.com fender stickers? Perhaps it’s the seller’s, “Back the Badge” bumper sticker attempt at smoothing things over if he ever gets pulled over while practicing wheelies on the street?

We think this bike is $400, although the final words of the ad, “$400 obo thang,” left us guessing. If the price tag is indeed $400, it seems a bit steep, as it’s sure to become an unwanted backyard decoration when it inevitably breaks down. Still, it’s quite a bit cheaper than the YZ450, that, with its extraordinarily tight chain and roached out appearance looks as though it’s just waiting patiently to throw its rider over a cliff somewhere deep in the woods.

Now it’s time to tell us what you think. Zip-tied YZ450 with new tires, double trouble, one-and-a-half KXs or roached-out pittster with “clean car” and “no paper work?” Tell us in the comments section below.

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