Ask Ping!

August 6, 2010 3:00pm | by:


I feel it a necessity to defend myself from a letter addressed to you last week. I was disappointed in your response to the no-name, insecure athlete who embellished his accomplishments. Obviously, you didnt have enough information to make a proper call on who the superior athlete is among the two of us. Im also assuming that any letter that comes to you in the mail and written in crayon probably receives a softer, kinder "atta boy" type of response. The no-name author is known around these parts as "Timmy," a nickname he earned because of his third-place finish in Southern Mountain Bike Championship Series (behind me and a 48-year-old fired postal employee named Clavin). As a 36-year-old former collegiate athlete, he is obviously a little embarrassed to consistently lose to a 41-year-old who runs like a "wounded gazelle." Admittedly, he is a better at the following: anything that has to do with running, swimming, or cleaning around the house. However, anything that has to do with hand-eye coordination, balance, or mental toughness, he pales in comparison. With all that said, clearly, anyone who is fast on a dirt bike should be considered among the elite of all athletes. Can you honestly think of another sport that requires the physical ability, a high threshold for pain, a never-give-up attitude, and the mental fortitude of any of the dirt bike racing disciplines? So now seriously, whos the better athlete out of us two?


 P.S. Im better at golf, fishing, and skeet-shooting. I was also the first to have a kid, and I lead him 3-2 in that area as well. Oh, I mow my lawn on Tuesdays to his Fridays, and I cant remember the last time he beat me at Phase 10.
  • Your buddy is an athlete too
Dear Billy,
Look, your buddy was desperate and I gave him the win to boost his self-esteem. Running, cycling, swimming, and other similar sports require minimal athletic attributes. Of course you have to have balance to ride a bicycle and good form to be a great runner and the wingspan of a 737 to excel in a pool. But sports like that mostly require an insane amount of seat time to improve. Motocross is so much more all-inclusive when it comes to the physical attributes required. In fact, it would be easier to list the qualities you dont need to be a good motocross racer. And even that is a pretty short list. But go easy on your buddy anyway. Being to critical of him is like playing basketball with your drunken, one-eyed uncle and calling him for a double dribble. Just enjoy the game and know that you could kick his ass any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

I like your name. I know how to pronounce it by simply reading it. Stewart, Dungey, Windham
all easy. So what's up with the Euro riders' names? Can you help me pronounce Roczen, (RockZen? Rose-IN?) Musquin (MusKIN? MusQUIN? Moose Skin?), and most of all, Cianciarulo? I'm not even gonna try to pronounce Adam's name; I can barely spell it. But I need to get these figured out before they move over here and start not winning against the Americans. But hey, at least their first names are easy.... Maybe I should just stick with that.

Lockhart (Not Hard)
  • Marvin Moose Skin
Dear Mr. Not Hard,
Unfortunate last name you have. Ill give you two out of three here because Roczen and Muquin are extremely Euro last names and they certainly dont spell the way they sound. If you need it spelled out phonetically try ROCK-zin and MUS-kin. But Adam Cianciarulo is from Florida, so you lose points for that. Hes already here winning against Americans as an American. Makes you want to recite the Pledge of Allegiance, doesnt it? Just stick with first names, Lockhart, and youll be fine.


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