In case you missed it, two weeks ago we announced the triumphant return of Junk Bikes, the Racer X column which injects some laughs into the dredges of Craigslist’s two-wheeled society. This week the online scrap heap is back, featuring ads submitted by you, the reader. And if you didn’t catch the last Junk Bikes, you can see it here.
At first glance you’re probably wondering why in the world we’d include this bizarre contraption in this column. After all, this is where rusty nuts, flat black paint, and lowered expectations are featured, but this ad doesn’t appear to have any of those things. Well, we also like to throw in things that are completely useless, and this curious creation fits in that category nicely. Not that drifting this thing around the parking blocks at midnight at the nearest Liquor Barn wouldn’t be fun—it’d be a blast—but if you think anyone’s riding this thing without a beer firmly in hand, you’re dead wrong. The only problem is that it looks like riding it is a two-handed affair, creating a catch-22 that renders this machine about as unnecessary as Bark Busters on Weston Peick’s trail bike.
The Bright Side
Have you ever seen those concept drawings of beds that spin to counteract the spins you get when you hit the sack after a night of slamming Hamms by a gigantic pallet fire in the sand dunes? This is the vehicular version of that. This machine’s drift action counteracts the reckless weaving unknowingly committed by its drunken operator on his way home from his backwoods moonshine factory.
Bonus Bright Side
We’ve all seen the videos of Travis Pastrana back-flipping a big wheel. That madness was performed on a big wheel with no engine. Imagine what Travis Pastrana could come up with if he got his hands on one of these! Somebody get (him) on this, please.
Every now and then we come across a homegrown ad that simply can’t be improved upon, and this is one of them. The seller loses a few points for wording his initial statements suspiciously similar to a few other famous Craigslist ads (google “Hey there junior badass”), but other than that it’s golden. So rather than messing with success, we’re sharing the ad’s text in its original, organic form:
The obvious place to start here is the title of the ad: “Barn Find.” This term has become big in classic car circles. But in this case, where is this barn, and why aren’t any of the other bikes in the background in it? The bike looks like it’s been exposed to the elements—is the barn missing its roof? Perhaps English is a second language to the seller and he was trying to communicate that he is looking for a barn to house his collection. “Barn…find?” He mentions he’s open to trade—perhaps he wants to trade the bike for a barn? Maybe he had to move the bikes out of the barn because rats were eating all the seat covers? Your guess here is as good as ours!
The seller admits that the bike doesn’t run, but the good news is that the problem seems fairly easy to diagnose. Given the lack of a fuel tank and carburetor, we’re going to go out on a limb and say this bike’s combustion problems stem from some type of fuel delivery issue. Of course, with an unsealed engine there’s a good chance the inside of this bike’s power plant contains more rust than Suzuki’s factory RM-Z250 race program and is in nastier condition than Chad Reed’s and John Gallagher’s relationship. Too soon?
The Bright Side
Other than the oddly bright and seemingly flawless muffler, there isn’t anything bright to talk about with this bike. About the only thing you could hope for would be an amusing conversation with the owner, who obviously has a sense of humor. How else do you explain this piece of landfill’s $600 price tag?