Ask Ping!

Ask Ping!

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Ping,

1) Who started this whole "70's" sunglasses look? I swear my mom owned a pair of sunglasses that looked exactly like the pair Chad Reed had on for one of his interviews last weekend.

Kevin

2) Dear Ping,

Could you please tell me what the deal is with all these riders wearing those oversized sunglasses that look like there from 1984? Can't these eyewear sponsors provide there riders with glasses that don't make them look like complete assclowns? Do all these riders really think they look cool? If they are gonna sport this style of sunglasses then at least go all the way and shave some lines in the side of their head and grow a nice rat tail!

Mike from Florida

 

Dear Kevin and Mike,

I really wish we could all get on the same page regarding our fashion dates. Are the ridiculous glasses from the ‘70’s or from 1984? I literally received no less than ten emails about sunglasses since the series started this year. I wasn’t really paying attention because this sport has a bad habit of being really trendy. If you want to see what the top racers will be wearing later on this summer go ahead and tune in to an episode of BET’s 106 and Park. I can’t figure out why but that seems to be where young riders are finding their style tips. Remember when we used to make fun of Blue Blockers; the massive, bulky, UV blocking shades for really old people? Throw a Dolce and Gabanna logo on the side of them and you have one of the most popular models of women’s eyewear today. Maybe rat-tails will make a comeback?

PING


David,

Let me start by letting you know that I enjoy your column every week. The recent direction change in your life gives me great respect for you. I’m sure taking a step away from the sport that has been such a big part of your life for so long wasn’t an easy one to take. I don’t have a family of my own yet, but I could see how life as a motocross team manager could make things difficult as a husband and father. My plight is this: I currently have a part time job at a company that I feel could grow into a career, however, I would be miserable. My passion, for as long as I can remember, has been motocross. I never aimed to race as a career, just as a hobby. But I have always wanted to be involved with the sport in some shape or form. So my question is: What does the sport need? In your travels, and experiences, have you seen a void that needs filled? I consider myself to be a hard worker, and an intelligent individual. I am willing to make sacrifices to make this happen. I’m hungry for it. Any insight will be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much for you time in reading this, Ping. Keep the good stuff coming.

Brandon Erminio

 

  • What did the five fingers say to the face?
Dear Brandon,

Congratulations! You have been selected to be my very first intern, a position I’m calling Assistant Bitch Slapper. You asked the right questions my friend, and what this industry really needs is for someone to be in charge of slapping the hell out of people who desperately need it. Do you think you can fill that void? If so, we’ll be getting started right away with a trip to Oakland this weekend. There is a long list of folks that need a good backhand and that momentous responsibility belongs to you. You can start by smacking the crap out of every security guard working at the supercross. They are all drunk with power because they have that sweet yellow jacket but in reality they have about as much clout and respect as Barney Fife. After that we’ll head over to James Stewart’s rig where he will need a slap for refusing media interviews. Be warned that his “posse” may jump you and you’ll have to fend for yourself, as I will be fleeing the scene. You said you were willing to make sacrifices for this, right? A few others on the list include most man-friends and anyone else with no real function clinging to the sport like a stubborn booger on a nose hair. You will be obligated to smack anyone belligerently drunk, anyone blowing cigarette smoke in my direction and anyone who works for a health insurance company (still bitter about my 50% price increase). Warm your shoulders up and put on a few heavy rings, Brandon, because the job of your dreams is about to get started. See you at the Ontario airport where your first job will be to slap the guy patting me down in the security line.

PING 


Mr. Ping, 
I am sure you've read this LA Daily News article by this Hoff-arth fellow, about the Round 3 stop of the Monster Energy Supercross at Dodgers Stadium. 
http://www.dailynews.com/sports/ci_17172270
I can see a point or two of his and I know the crowd that shows up to these events includes a handful of the types that will be camped out at the stadium awaiting the arrival of Grave Digger and the back flipping Nitro Circus truck coming next month.  However I think he took the article a bit far as if the stadium had more class then our sport. 
I have my thoughts regarding the article and was wondering what does the all knowing PING have to say about it?   

Best Regards, 
Brad Kroepfl

 

  • The Jeremy McGrath of baseball?
Dear Brad,

This article is very telling in regards to the general public's perception of supercross/motocross racing. This pathetic, fescue-loving crap bag had the platform to express his thoughts but you can bet there are plenty more just like him all over the country. Well, the following is what I’d like to say to Mr. Hoffarth:

First of all, the stadium that you think is such a majestic holy ground for higher-level athletics is a dilapidated dried up turd. Honestly, I’ve been in countless ballparks and stadiums around the world over the past two decades and, with the possible exception of a shabby bullfighting arena I raced in once in San Jose, Costa Rica, Dodger Stadium was the most run-down contraption I’ve ever seen. It reminded me of a lean-to that was probably propped up in the exact same spot in the 1940’s.

Second, you might want to come down off your moral high horse when it comes to baseball. Has any other sport ever been so rife with illegal steroid use? For years the mantra of major league players has been juice up until your forehead and chin look like some kind of dinosaur mutation that even the best paleontologist couldn’t explain away. Next thing you know Lance Armstrong will be joining the MLB tour.

And did you really diss the fans of supercross? Really? Have you ever journeyed out of the press box long enough to see the mutants that frequent Dodger games? I’m literally scared for my life down there.

You included a quote from Dodger’s great Orel Hershiser. Do you know why Orel was there to make that observation? Because he is a supercross fan and he came all the way out from Vegas to watch it, you jagoff! His stepson emailed me to let me know they were excited about the race and they were headed there Saturday morning. I could go on and on but you are hardly worth it. Oh, and your precious Dodger Dogs? Just a run-of-the-mill wiener with a bun that’s a little too short. You suck.

Up yours, truly,

David T. Pingree

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