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Ask Ping!

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Ping,

Why do you Americans seem to think you are so much better than the rest of the world? Your arrogance is off-putting and frankly it is unwarranted. Your win at the Motocross of Nations this year was one of good fortune, not duly earned, yet you boast about how many times you’ve won the event. Bad form indeed.

Charles Petticon

U.K.

  • Yeah, that looks about right.
Dear Charles,

You know, I don’t know where you are getting all this. Despite a few bad experiences I love many other places around the world. But I don’t want to say something here that gets me in trouble. So, maybe I should just refer you to the map I’ve provided. It outlines basically the way most Americans, or myself at least, view the rest of the global community. 

Cheers, you wanker.

PING

Dear Mr Pingree

I think that George Lucas should sponsor a motocross team.  Just think, their bikes would blast off into light speed at the drop of the gate.  If a rider got hurt it would be no problem because they could have a cloned replacement ready to go.  And the force surely would come in handy on a motocross track!!  Just think how cool the gear would look.  Imagine lining up at the gate in a storm trooper uniform, or better yet, the dark lord Vador!!!  It would strike fear upon everyone down the starting line.  And I sent you a pic of an eerie resemblance between the evil emperor Palpatine and the pope, I also sent a pic of Vaders "experimental" phase he went through when he lost Queen Amidala.  The last pic is a stoomtrooper rippin it up on an mx bike.  The one industries trooper helmet is on to something here!!  (I wave my hand across the screen, you think it really would be a good idea to publish this letter).  Plus, just like in Star Wars I was broken and rebuilt, with lots of titanium!  I'm not crazy, I am just a Star Wars Geek who loves motocross, and I think there would be a market for it in gear and graphic companies.

Well, Thank you for your time Great Jedi Master David Pingree

Sincerely, Master Elijah Keen 

And may the force be with you Master Pingree!!!           

  • Seriously, just a little SportsCenter once a week.
Dear Mr. Keen,

Holy geez you are such a dork. Honestly, I can’t believe that you took the time necessary to compose that paragraph and email it to me. Because of your dedication and belief in the idea, however, I am going to take this idea straight to Troy Lee on Monday morning and make sure he gets it into production [Not really, Troy, don’t worry]. In the meantime do yourself a favor and watch a little SportsCenter or something. Maybe go on a date [with a women] or do something that a Star Wars nerd wouldn’t do. You’ll thank me for it later.

PING

Dear DP101,

I just noticed that Tyler Bowers is clearly Amish, due to his mustache-negative beard.  (Amish men don’t shave their beards once they become married but they do shave their mustaches since mustaches are associated with the military.) This brings up some interesting questions about his religion and motocross: does he bring his bike to the track in a black buggy? The Amish don’t use electricity but do believe in gas power, yet most don’t have cars. I guess this means that a motorcycle is OK. Despite his religious adherence, there is one possible inconsistency: the pacifist, nonresistance lifestyle that the Amish practice. I recall a bit of nonpacifist/resistance in his younger Arenacross days. Perhaps he found his faith since he has been in the stadiums though. Can you clarify for us how he weaves his Amish beliefs with his chosen profession?

Mark

New York City

P.S. Notice the black and white gear and bike graphics – understated colors are important to the Amish.

  • Tyler Yoder?
Dear Mark,

It’s tough being Amish, Mark. That butter doesn’t churn itself and if you think that ox is going to pull a plow in a perfectly straight line by himself you are sorely mistaken. Add in the other regular duties of a typical Amish man and it doesn’t leave much time for riding and training. Plus, the gene pool is ankle deep in those colonies, Mark. How well could you focus if you knew deep down that you were related to your girlfriend? I think brother Tyler has done a great job of balancing his lifestyle with his professional career.

PING

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