I was watching one of the nationals a few weeks ago with my wife when she asked me what those things were called the riders kept pulling off their heads over the jumps-“goggle flaps”? This was her answer to her own question. That’s a good one. Made me laugh. Yep, I replied, “goggle flaps.” How about “tear offs babe”? It got me thinking about some of the other gems I’ve heard referring to moto equipment. Another one my wife coined was “chester pecter”. I guess this came from saying chest protector too fast. My favorite is from a few years back uttered by the nice old lady who owns the closest shop to my house. It was also in reference to a chest protector. She called it a “turtle shell”. That was funny enough on its own, but she has a slight speech impediment in addition to her southern accent where her R’s and L’s sound like W’s. So, what came out was “tuwtle shew”. Say it out loud a few times.
I have a question, how does Racer X get the magazine to open to your column on the first time it’s opened? That’s weird. Maybe you gave up some of your salary in exchange for this? I’ve noticed another phenomenon. Why does the magazine always open to the page with the energy drink girl with the most boobs and ass hanging out at the exact moment my wife walks by and glances at what I’m reading? Just some thoughts. Appreciate your column and your perspective on the moto world. Congrats on your team’s success this year.
P. J. Howell
Ah, the Chester Pecter… great piece of equipment. I actually prefer it to the Tewtle Shew, which is slightly more restrictive and bulky. I guess each rider has his own favorites, right? I actually did make a deal with DC and powers-that-be in Morgantown to have my page the exact center of the book. I wash their Toyota trucks twice a year with Charmin toilet paper and Q-Tips. And as a custom-wash special I actually lick the wheels and tires clean. I know it sounds disgusting but saliva is a natural polish and it leaves a luster that you just can’t get in an over-the-shelf product. It’s good to hear that my hours of work are well worth it.
As far as the skin show when your wife is looking I can’t help you. Maybe it’s just an unfortunate coincidence or maybe that’s a karmic kick in the nuts. Either way, maybe read it on the thinker where your wife won’t come barging in without a gas mask. That’s what I do.
What is your opinion of the cash for clunker program and what do you think would happen if the Power sports industry adopted the same sort of program? Personally I would love to see some of the 1999 400 EX's at my local track be upgraded to CRF450's! Plus it's kind of frustrating when they roll out to the track and blow up the ruts that we've been sculpting all day.
With concern, Dusty.
I think that we’ve bailed out the auto industry enough. I think that if GM and the rest of them can’t run a successful program then they should go out of business, just like any other free market enterprise. Who’s driving “clunkers,” Dusty? People that probably can’t afford new cars, that’s who. They get a free down payment for their P.O.S. and roll out in a car that they can’t afford to make payments on. Before long they aren’t making payments and that car has to be repo’d. We all lose in this scenario because the car is taken away from the guy that stopped paying on it, taxpayers are subsidizing the down payment for the crap-box that he turned in and the dealership now has a repossessed vehicle that they have to try and sell. I know it sounds great at first and you imagine selling a bunch of new 450’s but really, it is a flawed plan. Listen to what your grandpa used to tell you: Work hard, save your money and don’t buy something unless you can afford to pay for it. This whole country would be in a better place if we’d listened to that advice.
Does this sound familiar? Why does every rider give total crap interviews?
“I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.”
Maybe Erin Bates should ask more pointed questions?
Brett in Colorado
I appreciate a guy that can lay down a mind-blowing Hansel quote like that. And there is no question that the responses given in today’s interviews are so boring and predictable that people at the races need an entire can of Red Bull just to keep from falling, narcolepsy-style, into their stale plate of nachos. We could learn a lot from those really, really, ridiculously good-looking male models. What if the next time Erin asked a vague question about what a rider had been up to lately he threw out something like this:
“So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh, ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize "Holy s#!t, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head? And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.”
I know I would clap for that guy. And what about the next time a rider did an interview at a new gear photo shoot?
“Well I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking "wow, you're ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career."
You’ve motivated me to start a media training class for young riders. I’m calling it: David Pingree’s class for riders who want to say interesting things during interviews and not make people fall asleep as much. Look for registration forms soon. Space is limited.