Ask Ping!

February 6, 2009 3:45pm | by:

Dear Ping

I had roasted asparagus the other night and thought of you about 30 minutes later.

Do you still get that a lot?


Mitch Youts

Dear Mitch,

Do I still get what a lot? Do I still get stinky pee after a plate of asparagus? Of course I do. It’s one of the top five worst smells produced by the human body; it’s disgusting. I also seem to have a magic colon. I can chew corn and/or peanuts into a fine paste before I swallow them and by the time it passes through my digestive track it has reassembled itself into whole kernels/nuts. It’s borderline miraculous. I should have my own show. Well, maybe not.


  • Kanye West or 1980's photo? Too close to call.
Hey Pingster,

I just finished reading your weekly "Ask Ping" the thoughts.  Well, as I was reading I noticed you referenced Sponge Bob.  As luck would have it, the Monday after A1 (which was unbelievable) while at work I passed a TV at a local shop, Sponge Bob was on the tube and some sort of Lobster was riding a dirt bike.  Did you catch that one while you were....I mean, while your kids were getting their daily cartoon fix?

Anyway, my question is this:  Since you have excellent insight into both the moto and fashion industry's (I know you have some thoughts on the "bro" look with the flat brim hat, black shirt and black socks) so I wanted to get your expert opinion on a new look I am seeing lately. I would like to know what you think about the new fluorescent color schemes, tight jeans, and shaggy hair look that I see the kids sporting nowadays?  Is there an 80's resurgence coming and I missed the Memo?  Do I need to start pegging my pants and buy some brighter colored clothes?  Maybe tell my wife to buy a hair crimper?  Am I just getting old?  Whaddya say?

Sacramento, CA

Dear Joseph,

I missed that Sponge Bob episode, which is odd because I thought I had seen them all. Regardless, I have the answer to your question. Kids are idiots. I can say that because I used to be both a kid and an idiot. Thankfully I don’t have any photos of myself in Jr. High School because I looked like a complete tool. My hair was spiked up on one side and long on the other. My Z Cavaricci pants with the high waist were rolled, folded and pinned and my leather belt and shoes were rockin’... hard.  If I ran into myself now as a teenager I would have to kick my own ass. And guess what? It happens to every generation. You think that the latest style is the coolest thing to ever happen to fashion and five years later you look like a moron that you would make fun of if only it wasn’t you wearing the clothes. The whole flat-billed-hat with the ears tucked in movement… Do you have any idea how stupid that is? If I had seen a guy with his ears tucked into his hat five or ten years ago I would have punched him in the neck. Now, thanks to the “fashion icons” in the hip-hop world, it’s widely accepted. It won’t last long. The new ‘80’s punk rock look is one of the latest and lamest things I’ve ever seen make a comeback. Do these kids even look at themselves in the mirror before they leave their house? Did your mom help stretch those skinny jeans over your pasty little legs? It’s like a horrible mix between Sid Vicious and Erkel. The bad news is that as soon as this idiotic trend ends another one that is just as gay will take its place. So, what do I say? I say, throw on some sweat pants and a comfortable tee shirt. If you’re going to look like a kook you might as well be comfortable.


  • Liberal fans are the best!

Your political views suck but you seem like a witty and funny guy. I'm curious as to what it's like being so stupid yet rad at the same time. 

Jonathon Santa Cruz

Dear Jonathon,

Man, I think I like you almost as much as I hate your guts. I think it’s obvious you were raised by a band of “free-thinking” hippies that settled down on a nice surf beach in Santa Cruz and decided over a Marley that they would raise you to understand the subtleties of growing proper dreadlocks and rolling doobies. Good folks if their minds weren’t so clouded with incense and bong resin. You want to know what it’s like being me? I’ll tell you… It’s amazing. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.