Ask Ping

February 14, 2008 3:01pm | by:

Dear Ping,
Without making your head any bigger than it already is, you’re the shit when it comes to moto journalism. But anywoo, I was watching the so-called Speed Channel the other day and instead of moto-x (that’s hardly ever on) I was watching a barn-burner of a lawnmower race and I observed several riders decked out in Fox gear. With your vast knowledge of speed could you please explain why a guy doing 20 mph on a John Deere needs protective gear? Does Fox sponsor mower racing? If they do, sign me up. Luv you, brother.
Future lawnmower racer
p.s. Your wife's hot!

Dear Mower Racer,
I’m sorry you had to see that. I’ve watched these races myself and at first I thought it was a joke. They actually have stock and modified classes and different sizes and models. I’ve been to Palm Springs and San Francisco and seen some pretty gay stuff before but nothing comes close to lawnmower racing. That is the absolute bottom of the barrel in the world of motor sports. Not even moto-polo.

And it speaks volumes about the good taste of the American public when we have that side-show on some of our biggest sports networks. Without knowing the answer for certain I will say with confidence that Fox does not get all psyched-up to sponsor a bunch of suburban warriors buzzing around a grassy field on yard equipment.

Hey Ping,
I know this is not very moto related, but I have been following some politics during this election year and I am sick of the media and candidates BS-ing us with what I think are falsehoods. I keep thinking, WHAT HAPPENED TO PEOPLE LIKE BOB HANNAH?!

Hannah was a hero of mine back in the ‘70s and ‘80s and I thoroughly dug his willingness to say what he believed. The man has conviction and solid direction.  Now, if Bob Hannah were to run for the president of the United States, what are some of the things you think he might say in some of these so-called debates?  Do you think he can make Hillary cry?

Dear Truthrules,

Bob Hannah for President!

First, the teenager in me has to point out that you said solid direction. Say it a few times; go ahead. Very funny. I think even Bob would get a kick out of that… Now, to your point: The current presidential candidates all suck. Period. Their pandering is nauseating and there isn’t one of them capable of speaking what they actually believe. The sad truth is that all of them are just spewing the standard whatever-it-takes-to-get-elected rhetoric. Your options are now limited to the unqualified wife of our former cigar-wielding player of a president, Bill Clinton, a liberal republican that pulls to the left on key issues like a shopping cart with a bad wheel, and that guy Oprah likes whose name, Barack Hussein Obama, which must have people snickering all over the mountains of Pakistan…

If we could get Bob to leave his ranch in Idaho (we couldn’t) and run for president, I would vote for him. He would have Hillary in tears before their first debate even started and he would probably run on the platform of pulling all our troops out of the middle east immediately, so he could start firing nukes at Iraq, Iran, Pakistan and any other country that looks at us funny.
Bob Hannah for President!


Sorry about your recent AMA title loss. I know you'd have done it, IF... That got me to thinking. So I thunk to myself, who's finished #2 the most times? You've only done it twice, right? Is that good or bad? My first guess would be Windham behind RC. Am I wrong?
Would that make Windham a bigger loser than you? Wait, that didn't sound right. Just for the record I wish I was fast enough to even qualify for a national anything! Kill' em next year and shut 'em up! I know you're tired of hearing that!!

Richard Brinkley
Ocala, Fla.


photo: Carl Stone

Dear Richard,
Wow, great. Thanks for reminding me, Richard. Second place is the worst. I would rather finish fifth than second. At least with fifth you can take comfort in the fact that you weren’t even close to winning a title. I’ve only had to swallow that pill two times but after doing a little research and checking with my MX-statistics-nerd friend and colleague, Bill Ursic, we think that Kevin Windham has probably been the bridesmaid more times than anyone else on the U.S. circuit. Poor bastard. Honorable mentions go out to Jeff Emig, Mike Larocco and Jeff Ward. Wardy won a crap-load of titles but he’s been at it so long that he has to have some seconds along the way—I know he has two in AMA Supermoto alone—but I suppose it doesn’t sting as much when your walls are covered with number one plates. Here’s to all of my fellow “first losers” out there.


Got a question for Ping? E-mail him at