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Ask Ping

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When I used to ride everyday I had little to no hair on my butt.  Now that I no longer ride, I have a farm of hair on, in, and around my can, and if I shave it I brake out with a nasty rash. Do you use soap or shaving cream when you shave your bottom? Also, if I wanted to do a burnout on my neighbor’s lawn, would you suggest using a S10 pickup, or a Chevy Z71?

Sincerely,
Ben Shank

Dear Ben,

Ah, you remind me of a bubbly young man that used to go around throwing frozen turkeys into swimming pools on Thanksgiving. But I digress. Your hair problem is not that uncommon. It sounds like your entire buttocks looks more like a sheep dog than a turd-cutter but I’m sure there are plenty of people with the same problem. Personally, I like to keep things nice and shaggy; kind of like a 1970’s disco look. So I don’t worry about having a Sasquatch ass. For you I suggest waxing. Get good and drunk and head down to your local facial/waxing salon and ask for the Brazilian special and make sure they get right in there next to your corn-hole. You don’t want any stragglers on your shiny new backside. Good luck with all that. And always use a Chevy Z-71 for a lawn burnout. You know that.

PING 

Ping,
 
I hear that a high percentage of people involved with racing motorcycles (SX, MX, FMX, Supermoto, etc.) are ADHD/ADD.  If so, how come no one discusses it or has any sort of spokesperson awareness program going on?  I listen to riders give their victory speeches, interviews and whatever glochenspeil: they are usually ping-ponging all over the place (pardon the pun).  Are you ADHD because you sure seem like you would be.   I think it would be good for someone successful in this field who has been diagnosed with this to say they have it because I know a lot of people who have it including myself who would feel less bummed about having it.
 
Thanks
Judd

Dear Judd,

I haven’t ever heard that people involved with motorcycle racing are ADD or ADHD. Have you really heard that? Where did you hear that? Oh, wow, look at those funny little question marks; those things are weird. Ha, weird! Weird is such a weird word, isn’t it? I mean, what happened to the whole “I before E except after C” rule? Oh, look, another question mark! What were we talking about? Well, actually we weren’t talking we were writing. You can’t talk over the computer… Duuhh. Did you see Britney’s performance at the VMA’s? It sucked so bad. She is, like, a total turd now. Oh, look, I just got a text message. I think I’m going to go riding. Good talking with you, Judd. I’ll catch up with you lat….

PING

Hey Ping,
We haven't seen any stories lately about you being "wrist deep" in poopie lately. I like those because my daughter is about the same age and she's my first, so it's fun to relate. I was also wondering if your wife has tried to sabotage your title chances by bringing home the twenty-five pound bag of candy corns yet. Mine arrived Saturday and all I can say is my dentist will not be pleased.

Thanks, David
North Salt Lake, Utah
 

Dear David,

Funny you should mention kids because we just found out we are having another one. No, it wasn’t planned and yes I almost had a stroke when I found out. Our daughter, Ellie, has gotten to be pretty fun. She sleeps all night (eight hours) without making a sound now and she’s is just about to start walking. She’s lots of fun. But she is still a full-time job and she still craps like a truck driver. Some days it’s pouring out the back and smashed all the way up to her belly button in the front. If I have a dollar for every time I’ve told my wife I’ve never seen such a huge load of dookie I’d have, well, at least forty or fifty bucks. I’m sure there’s going to be more to tell once the next one gets here in March. As for the candy corn, well, that crap showed up this week at my place as well. Only this time the marketing geniuses over there at the candy corn factory started to realize that people don’t want candy that is named after a vegetable and doesn’t really taste that good. So they started making it in the shape of pumpkins and little fuzzy animals and making it different flavors like chocolate and caramel apple. I’m on to your tricks, candy corn company. This crap has only been here for about three days and I’ve already eaten enough of it to kill a horse. I better call Pro Circuit about some stiffer shock valving for the next round.

PING

Got a question for Ping? Email it to him at ping@racerxill.com.

 

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