Ask Ping

May 11, 2007 8:30am | by:

Maybe it is because I am hungry or it could be because I am opposed to paying $6.25 for a hot dog no matter what percent of a pound that it is, but whenever I walk through the pits, man does that  grilled food smell good.  Does the grillin' in the pits taste as delicious as it looks?

Dear Jeff,
The answer to your questions is yes, yes it does. It is delicious. It wasn’t always that way though. When I first joined the professional tour back in 1994, teams just didn’t bring barbeques to the races. Most teams were operating out of box vans and there wasn’t room for a grill. The hot setup back then was a cooler with some deli meat, bananas and sports drink. If you had a mechanic that really felt like spoiling you he would hook up some lettuce, tomato, Miracle Whip and some delicious granola bars. Today, stepping into the team transporters at lunchtime is like walking into Tony Roma’s. There’s a cornucopia of smoked meats, vegetables, fruit and whatnot spread across the back benches of the rig.

And thanks for sending the picture of Bud Man in action. The Rockstar Suzuki team manager shows that he is a triple-threat guy by packing his cell phone on the hip (business), sprinkling the pepper, Lowry’s and KC Masterpiece with a deft hand (grilling) and doing it all with five AMA National Arenacross titles (racing). Bud Man definitely has skills. Also, and I hate to point this out, Jeff, but do you see the fence separating the pits from the rest of the world? That means no BBQ for you. Take yourself back to the concession stands for an expensive tube of pig leftovers.

I'm a 43 y/o & I love racing but the part of my brain that says to go ahead and hit this double has burned out. I know how to ride I have studied pro motocross and off-road riding technique by Gary Semics. I know what good body position is and how I should stand when I hit the jump face. But it's that burnt spot on my brain that stops me. I really would like to get a photo of myself just once over a big double. what should I do. Am I a wuss or is there something I can do to get past this?
Dear Wuss,
You most certainly are a wuss. But don’t feel like the Lone Ranger because most guys your age are wusses. At around 40 years of age something terrible starts happening to most males. I’m not sure if the testicles themselves actually shrink or if they just quit producing testosterone but the result is the same: you cry at movies that you wouldn’t have even watch ten years ago, your once lean muscle mass gives way to flab and you lose the nerve to jump doubles. Now, I don’t know if you turned the water-works on when you saw The Notebook or not, but this condition is obviously affecting your double jumping ability. I know this is out there but what about just going to a track that doesn’t have double jumps? Your other options include getting a shot in the butt once a week from the beefcakes down at your local gym or selling your bike and taking up golf. Golf is the ultimate wuss sport so you should fit right in.
Good luck, sugar.
P.s. Are you afraid of Photoshop? Because that’s another option…

dear, pIng
i was just wondering if you knew when being a novice earned you a new $100,000.00 rv and a almost full factory bike?? have you been to the local races lately??? why do people feel the need to bring there whole house to a oneday event??

Dear Britney Spears,

Brit, are you drunk again? I didn’t know you followed our sport but thanks for the letter (again). You should take a basic English class when you finish your latest stint in rehab. Hey, how’s that whole marriage thing with K-Fed working out? Oh, it’s over? What a shocker. Time for another haircut…
     Actually, I have been to the amateur races lately and I am amazed at most parents’ level of commitment to their kids racing. Back when I started out all we needed was a pickup truck and maybe an EZ-Up—that was luxury. But apparently you just can’t get by today without a sixty-foot straight truck, diesel pusher or Toy Hauler. I guess if you have the money to spend you might as well get rid of it, right? Don’t hate on them just because they have money and you don’t. Now, grow your hair back out and get back to doing what you do best; lip synching in very revealing outfits. See you on your 2008 tour, if I can get tickets (hint, hint)