Ask Ping

July 14, 2006 6:13am | by:

photo: Simon Cudby

Who is faster, you or James Reed?

Dear ?,
It’s funny you ask that question. Just the other day I was talking with Ricky Windham and Chad Carmichael about how much faster I was than James Reed. We all agreed that I have him covered, but we were more than a little concerned about Mikey Villopoto, Josh Alessi, and Andrew Brett Grant. Those kids are quick. It’s a good thing I have my job here at
Rider X Actionworld.

Dear Ping,
Why are you such a hater of quads? You're always baggin' on them. Have you actually ever ridden a quad on a motocross track? I mean, a 450 of any brand don't matter. When or if you come out to Colorado for the national at Thunder Valley, you should take a day, or even just a few hours, and come ride the Watkins track. It's just a local track, but it has a few crazy jumps. You should come out there and ride a quad. Beat your lap times and you can bag on us all you want. But if you can't make it around the track faster or even at the same pace as us, you should stop baggin' on us. You talk a lot of smack about quad riders, let's see you back it up. Unless you're scared.
Nikki Nessie

Dear Nikki,
It wouldn’t even occur to me to ride a quad around a motocross track. Motocross tracks are for motocross bikes. Now, if I were on a farm or a ranch or in the sand at Glamis, then I would gladly hop on a four-wheeler and enjoy myself. Nikki, you seem like a sweet kid, so I’m going to take it easy on you. I’ll be too busy watching a real sport at Thunder Valley to spend the day Zamboni-ing with you at Watkins, rolling around a slick, dusty track on a sofa with wheels. Don’t worry, little one, you’ll be able to keep your balance one day.
Uncle Ping

Hey Ping,
Remember when trying your very hardest was “giving 100 percent?” Is it even possible to give more than 100 percent? People say they are giving 110 percent effort. Was there an incremental increase from 100 to 110, and how do you measure? Can you provide any insight or history? Also, how high do you foresee the percentage getting? I am thinking of putting in 111 percent and seeing where that gets me. What do you think?

Dear Jeff,
I do remember the days of giving it 100 percent. I was more of an 85 percent kind of guy myself. It just seemed like once you were giving it 100 percent, you had nowhere to go from there, you know? It’s not like you could try harder. But that’s where I was wrong. Jan Ullrich, Ivan Basso, and the rest of the dopers on the Tour de France have enlightened me. You want to know where that extra 10 percent comes from? It comes from a hypodermic needle in your ass-cheek. EPO, HGH, and their ahead-of-the-test-curve offspring are all the rage in modern professional sports, and it seems Gatorade and running shoes just won’t get it done anymore. When you see an athlete with a jawline so pronounced he looks like he’s related to the Elephant Man, don’t feel bad for him: He’s not a genetic failure. That’s just one of the side-effects of many of today’s performance-enhancing drugs. Pimple-covered face and back, excessive aggression, and testicles the size of raisins are a few other dead giveaways. So if you really want to make it in professional sports, you'd better find a good source online or head down to Mexico to pick up a performance enhancer of your choice. Or hire a $60,000-per-year “trainer” who will inject and monitor your extra 10 or 11 percent effort. Good luck.